Goals

I have several goals swimming around in my head, and I need to keep track of them.

1. Work out regularly. Eventually I want to get back into my college, running at least 4-6 miles a day, 6 days a week shape, but lets be honest, that won't happen until I move into a lovely house on a tree lined street with sidewalks. I hate running where I live now. No sidewalks, no trees, no pretty houses to look at, etc. Plus, it's almost winter.

1.5 My goal is to be at least 15-20 pounds lighter and more in shape (and tan) by Amy's wedding in August. I want to look like I belong as the maid of honor in a Caribbean wedding, and I want to feel comfortable running around in a bikini for the other 6 or so days I am in the Dominican Republic.

2. Get the new tattoo before said wedding. I have a tattoo on the small of my back (tramp stamp) that I got when I was 18, and I want it covered up by a full lower back tattoo of several vines of the hibiscus or Hawaiian flower (see above), from my right side (right at the bra strap line) to my left hip. I have friends who own a tattoo shop and might possibly give me a discount. I just have to work up enough nerve to go through with it, and figure out the exact design and color scheme I want. I would really like just black outlined with details, but my other tattoo is black, so it will be hard to cover up. I was also told by the said friends that white (my second choice) is virtually impossible to tattoo. Back to the drawing board for this girl.

3. Have and maintain a consistently clean house. I need to deep clean my house badly right now, but I'm stalling because I know it will end up like this again. Jake and I are both somewhat on the messy side, me being the cleaner of the two of us. I really want to clean it, and then maintain it as clean. It would make my life so much happier. Part of the problem is that our apartment is too small for us, but when we do clean we find a place for everything. It's just that those places are not convenient, and things end up all over again anyway. It's a constant losing battle, but I'm really trying to work on it.

4. Get my car fixed. I accidently hit my parents garage last Christmas when I was home (treacherous turn getting out of the third garage- the passenger side quarter panel and wheel well is a little dented and the paint is gone) and I haven't gotten it fixed yet. I use my car basically every single day, and I don't drive stick very well, so I can't really borrow Jake's, so leaving my car somewhere to get fixed is rather inconvenient. It will get fixed eventually though.

5. Decorate for Christmas. This goes hand in hand with cleaning as well. I want to decorate a CLEAN apartment for Christmas, like the tree, a wreath, stockings, etc, as well as outside decorations as well. I have an idea of what to do for the outside, but the inside is tricky (after I clean of course). I don't like where I put the tree last year, and I think I have another spot for it, but I need a little table to put it on.

6. Go home more. This one might be unattainable, as home is 8+ hours in a car away, but I really miss home. I miss my family. I miss my friends. I feel like I'm missing out in everything because they are all together and I am so far away. Of course, they could always visit me as well... but that's been a losing battle since freshmen year of college.

7. Learn to drive stick competently. Jake has a stick shift car, and, while I have driven it, it's been on a highway for several miles, in 5th gear, with cruise control on. I want to be able to drive his car like I drive my own.

8. Stop biting my nails. I'm almost 25 years old. I should have nice nails. There is no excuse. I need to sit down, and cut them all one length, file them, and make them pretty. Then when they start to grow, I MUST NOT BITE THEM. I'm giving myself until my birthday to get the cutting, filing, and shaping completed.

I think that's all I've got for now. I'll update more as I think of them.

In other news, I successfully cooked Thanksgiving dinner today all by myself. My parents talked me through the hard parts (preparing the turkey breast and making gravy), but for the most part, I DID IT! It was all me. Jacob and I had our own Thanksgiving by ourselves today because he worked last night, and is working tonight. Tomorrow we are going to his cousin's house in Columbia for a little get together as well.

I'm slowly starting to figure out this blogging thing... even though as I write this it is underlined and thinking it's a url, when clearly it's not. Maybe it's the pictures? I dunno. Ridiculous I tell you.

My endeavor to save the world

...Or just the families involved in the Jackson County family court system.

Today I was sitting in court talking with one of the pro-bono attorneys on one of my cases. We started talking about parent child visits, and how there must be some better way to facilitate those visits. Right now it works like this:

Parents whose children are in the care and custody (c/c) of the Children's Division (CD), or under CD supervision, are usually ordered to have supervised or unsupervised visitation. When visitation is supervised, it can be supervised by CD staff, a parent aid, relatives, family members, custodians, or residential treatment staff, etc. However, the safest and happiest way to supervise visits (at least for the professionals involved) are for parent aids to supervise visits. Parent aids can transport kids to visits, and help in parenting instruction as well. They are required to submit reports to the CD and to court as to how the visits are going. Sounds like a good system in theory, right?

Sometimes it does work. Sometimes visits happen flawlessly. But the majority of the time, things get screwed up. There are several reasons why this occurs.

1. Parents are not able to get to the visit, parents do not show up, their house is not suitable to hold visitation, they show up under the influence, etc.

2. There are too many kids for the parent aid/worker/ etc to pick up.

3. There is no where to hold the visit.

4. To sum it up: TRANSPORTATION ISSUES

5. Foster parents are not told that a visit was to occur.

6. Kids act out during visits and they have to be ended early.

7. Sometimes the visits have to be therapeutically supervised, and there are no therapists able to supervise visits.

8. Parents cancel visits.

9. Kids cancel visits.

10. Supervisor cancels visits.

11. the parent aid and the parent or kid do not get along, so the visits are not reported as going well.

12. The supervisor of visits does not do an adequate job supervising/reporting visits.

I could go on and on and on... and I mainly deal with the kids!

So this is what the attorney and I came up with while sitting in the court lobby.

I would start an independently run Parent/Child visitation center, that was a completely 501C3 (charitable for those of you who don't speak Missouri non-profit) organization.

I would enlist the help of the universities in the area to allow various helping professions to intern there (nurses, counselors, social workers, lawyers, etc), employ fully qualified interdisciplinary staff (social workers, nurses, counselors, therapists, parent aids, police officers/security, etc) who are able to supervise visitation, intervene when necessary, and help provide resources to parents.

I would have a strict sign in and sign out policy, the facility would be secure access, and all doors would be video monitored. This would ensure safety for not only the children, staff, and parents who are visiting their children, but also hold the parents accountable for showing up to their visits consistently.

I would have the facility be open on evenings and weekends, as well as during normal business hours. However, It would not be open past 8:30pm due to bedtimes for children.

I would provide transportation for both kids and parents, possibly have multiple locations throughout the metro area, and they all would be located ON THE BUS LINE.

The facility would have outdoor and indoor play areas, private rooms for visitation, and offer healthy snacks to children.

I would allow community organizations to post job listings in a certain area and set up booths advertising their services.

This would take all of the excuses out of parent/child visitation. There would always be a safe, accessible place for visits to be held, regardless of weather, transportation, acts of God, etc.

It would also help keep parents accountable for visits. While we would offer every opportunity to be able to get to visits, from being accessible and possibly close to home (if I was able to expand to a downtown/midtown, east, and south location), and on the bus line, I would offer to come pick the parents up if they had no other way to get there. However, it would be up to them to arrange the pick up- whether on a week to week basis, or an ongoing schedule.

NOT to mention, how much money it would save the state on visitation/parent aid/overtime/mileage services.

There are a lot of kinks to work out, and I have a lot of learning left to do before I would be at all capable of taking on this huge of a task, but I have some excellent friends who can no doubt help me out on this endeavor to save my little part of the world.

Look guys, I'm actually putting my degree and my classification as an LMSW to work :)

Twilight night with the girls

I went and saw New Moon last night with my coworkers, and had several adult beverages before. Needless to say, the movie wasn't that great- I mean New Moon was the lamest book, so it would follow that the movie would be sub par. What bothered me the most were not the blatant inconsistencies with the book (I knew it would happen, but come on- Angela and Eric dating? Angela and Ben were dating in the book... seriously.), but some of the people we went with didn't even give the movie a chance. They did not read the books before seeing the movie, they made up their minds before hand as to which "team" they were on, (which I find HIGHLY ridiculous... especially since one team in particular obviously does NOT have a chance), they left the theater before the movie was even over, and then ripped it apart on the walk back to the cars. You don't have to like it, we wanted you there because we enjoy your company, but still- don't ruin it for the people who read and enjoyed the books and wanted to see the movie.

As a clarification- I read all four books last winter. I let myself get into them because I was interning at a middle school, and felt that I should read the books so I could relate to the kids on my caseload. I didn't expect that they would suck me in. I've read the first three again- finishing Eclipse a few weeks ago, and I'm waiting for one of my coworkers to bring Breaking Dawn to work so I can read it. (I bought Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse, and I'm waiting on Breaking Dawn to come out in paperback before I buy it.) I waited until Twilight was well out on video to see the movie, and, as I said before, went to see New Moon as a bonding experience/ holiday party with coworkers (and an excuse to drink with them.) Otherwise, I would have waited to rent New Moon as well.

I like the series, yes. I will probably attempt to read it over again from time to time. I realize that it has become a ridiculous craze. But honestly- that's only because the books are addicting as hell. I find myself hoping that Stephenie Meyer will end up finishing Midnight Sun and cursing the person who ruined it for all of us just as much as the next teenage girl, but I don't let the series define me.

However, as a former teenage girl with her own star crazed obsessions (N Sync) I ask just one thing of the more sophisticated "I'm too good to become obsessed with a story about teenage vampires and warewolves" class- Leave the fanatics alone. They have a right to love this series, love Edward and his family, Jacob and his tribe, and even Bella and Charlie more than is healthy. These fans are no doubt going through a crazy time in their adolescent lives, and Twilight might be their only hope of escaping the hell that is their reality. The last thing they need is you to be looking down on them and making fun of them for it. Some will take it personally. And regardless, it hurts.

So this, my non existent readers, is a plea, from me to you... Let the Twilight fans be crazy, obsessed, and completely head over heels for fictional mythical characters. It might end up being the only chance they have at saving their own sanity.

long lost friends...

Happy Birthday Blueberry and Shadow. You were awesome pets.

going public...?

I'm not sure I want this thing to be seen by everyone, or anyone. I keep waiting for someone to stumble across it, leave a comment, etc. I don't want to post it out there for anyone to see- I want it to be an accident. I'm not so sure how it can be an accident, per say.. I had to work fairly hard to find the blogs that I do follow- and by work hard, I mean they posted the site on facebook, and I was bored and curious.

However, I don't want to put this on facebook... but I do think I want people to read it. Possibly people I know. But I don't want to guide them here. I want them to stumble across it and be like, oh, Ashley, I wonder what she's up to these days.

If it happens that way, they'll get the true me. It'll be more honest. If I bring people here, I will undoubtedly write for them, instead of writing for me. And isn't that what this whole blogging thing is about? Writing for myself?

What do you think, my phantom, non-existent audience?

Weddings....

Both of my best friends from college are now engaged. One is getting married in April 2010 and the other is getting married in August 2010. If you would have asked us 4 years ago who would be first the to get married, the answer would undoubtedly be me. So much can change in such a short time.

This leads to the inevitably next question- when will Jacob and I get engaged? I really just want to run away screaming at the thought of it, but part of me wants it... badly.

Jake and I have talked about this. Neither of us feels ready for that yet. We're just starting out in our respective careers, and we want to be financially able to afford a wedding before we even think about planning it. Besides, we're too young.. right?

OK, i guess 24-25 is prime time for matrimony, and we have been together for almost 3 years, and living together for a little over a year, we share a cell phone plan, and a bank account. We are toying with the idea of buying a house. His and my coworkers have told us to just make it official, as have some of our friends. What's the deal?

Personally, I wouldn't mind getting engaged soon, but I know where Jake stands, and he's not even thinking about popping the question. He still gets mad at me when I make casual references to "when we get married" or "let's wait to get new dishes until we register for them." I know he's just trying to be careful, and make sure our finances are in order before we do something so crazy, but I can't help but wonder if there is something wrong with me.

Maybe it's the fact that I'm dead set on him asking my Dad if he can marry me before he asks me. He seems completely repulsed by the idea- and he said he's never heard of that before (which is a lie- I'm fairly sure he told a story about his mom worrying about what her dad would say about her marrying his dad). He does not seem to understand why I want to involve my parents in something that is just between us. But I grew up thinking that whoever I marry had to ask my dad. No ifs, ands or buts about it. It's really one of the few old fashioned things that I adhere strongly to. It just seems like the proper, polite, right thing to do.

Maybe it's because I've already picked out the kind of ring I want. I'm open to suggestions, as I found out when ring shopping with Amy (see picture above), but generally I want a small white gold ring with 3 princess cut diamonds, and can cost no more than $500. I don't want anything too expensive around my finger. He said I took all the fun and surprise out of picking out a ring.

It's not like I want to get married in 2010. I have at least 3 known weddings that I will be attending next year, April (bridesmaid), May, and August (maid of honor), and I can only imagine that there will be more to come. I don't want to add to the chaos. Besides, I feel that a few more of my cousins need to get married before it's my turn.

Plus, we have talked about waiting until all of our other friends are married so we can see what we liked and didn't like and learn from their mistakes, so ours will be the best.

Oh well. Only time will tell. Until then, my left ring finger will remain ringless. I'm not too upset- I did get an iPhone out of the deal :)

first post...

I've been thinking about starting up a blog again for a while now, and since I'm alone on a Saturday night, with my only other option being scrubbing toilets, I thought "why the hell not?" and here I am. I'm not sure what is to come of this, how long I will do it, and what this will turn into, but Jake said I needed a hobby, and here I am.

Enjoy the ride...